It amazes me how quickly life can change in just a month.
The last time I wrote to you all, things were beginning to look up. I was excited to share the good changes that had begun taking place in my life with the start of the new year. I was happy and convinced that I had reached that part in my story where the months and even years of perseverance and not giving up, had finally paid off. The hard parts of my story these past eight months seemed to be coming to an end, and I was looking forward to sharing the joy with you all about how I overcame my struggles and all the good that came from them. I guess mainly because I have encouraged my readers to do the same; to not give up, to take the next step, and to look forward to what comes next when they make it out to the other end of their struggles. I desperately wanted to be able to share with you all the good that came out of this for me—to give you hope that it can happen for you and whatever you’re going through. I began getting too far ahead of myself and my situation. So far ahead, to the point of seeing this amazing testimony that I had created in my mind and how it was going to help others, but hadn’t actually happened yet.
And that dear friends, is the intro to this blog post that I have put off writing for too long. I know there’s so much going on in the world right now. We’ve had to establish a new normal during this time. Whether you’re sitting at home bored out of your mind or coming home from a long day of chaos, I hope you can find comfort and hope in the words I am about to share with you…
I’ve been sharing my story for over a year now. The following words are from my previous posts. I’ve encouraged you by sharing that whatever it is you are going through, you are going to be okay. All you need to do right now is take your next step. I’ve told you that something truly beautiful is going to unfold, and this pain you feel and the stress and the difficulties are going to be worth it. I’ve said to hold onto that hope that things are going to get better. And I was ready… I was ready to finally say “Look! This is the good that came from it. This is what I hoped for. This happened for me, and it can happen for you.” But I’m not at that part of my story yet. I thought I was, and I definitely was not prepared emotionally and mentally to be dragged back down again.
What do you do when you think you’ve made it through the storm, and you can see small glimpses of sunlight breaking through the dark clouds, only to find that the storm isn’t over? That’s how I felt. It was like everything I hoped for was dangling on a string in front of me, and I was so close to grabbing it. The moment that I thought things were getting better, they actually got worse. And I wasn’t prepared for what that was going to do to me. The woman that I had become this past year, by pursuing my passions and sharing my story, I felt like I lost her. After picking up my broken pieces and putting it all back together, I broke yet again. To be honest, I didn’t want to have to do it again. I didn’t want to pick myself back up. I didn’t want to take anymore steps. I was exhausted and I didn’t know how I was going to share this part of my story.
So that’s why my blog has been silent. I didn’t know what to say. But then I remembered why I even began blogging in the first place. I wanted others to know that they’re not alone with whatever it is they are going through. Why am I going through this again? I don’t know. But I do know that little by little I am finding myself again. And this time, I’m going to come back even stronger.
Do you know that feeling? Thinking that the storm has passed, only to find that it is not over. I’m right there with you, and here’s what I’m learning: you’re going to feel exhausted. For so long, you’ve been giving it your all. You’ve stood strong despite the wind and heavy rain that has come your way. So it’s understandable for you to fall down in exhaustion when you realize it’s not over yet. It’s understandable to have thoughts and emotions that overwhelm you. It’s even understandable to feel like you are losing yourself. All of those responses are your body and soul’s way of telling you that you need time to heal. The greatest thing I’ve done for myself during this time is recognizing that before I can just get back up on my feet, I need to take time to heal.
You aren’t going to be able to stand back up immediately. It’s a shock to your emotional, mental, and even physical state— when you thought you made it through, only to find that it’s not over yet. You will stand back up eventually, but be patient with yourself. You’re allowed to feel the things you’re feeling. You’re allowed to stay down for a time and experience the hurt and the emotions that come from it. But more importantly, you’re allowed the time it takes to heal.
I consider the outside situation with the quarantine and the virus a blessing in a way, because it has given me more of a reason to rest, be still, and heal. Maybe you need to take this time and do the same.
My hope is that whatever you are facing, whatever burdens you are carrying, whatever thing you’ve realized is not over yet, you can overcome in time. But during this time, give your body, mind, and soul the rest they have needed.
I’ve missed you all.
Sincerely,
Adrienne
