It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote to you all, and in that time I was able to step back and do a lot of reflecting on myself and who I am, and why I am the way that I am.
I’ve known for a long time that I am an emotional human. I only ever thought of my emotions and deep feelings as a fault that I was forced to overcome. However, recently I began to see my ability to feel deeply as a strength, and as something I can actually use for good in my life.
Most of the time, things like being emotional and wearing your heart on your sleeve are easily referenced to weakness or fragility. There were several experiences and moments in my life where I thought that I was weak and that the emotions I felt were wrong to have. That I cared too much—that I loved and connected in unhealthy ways. That I was wrong for communicating and wanting other people to understand the way that I feel and to try and understand the way they feel. It got to the point where I started to despise my own heart. I didn’t like that someone could come to me and be hurting and I could feel their hurt. I didn’t like how easy it was for things to make me cry. I didn’t like that I was constantly conflicted in my own head about how what I was about to say or do was going to affect another person. I am what you consider an Empath, and for the longest time, I did not like that about myself.
It’s something most empathetic people don’t like to admit. That before we can realize the power behind the ability, we must first have to experience and rise above the unhealthy tendencies of being empathetic. I’ve learned a lot through my experiences and the emotional parts of my story about my empathetic nature. So I’m going to dive deeper into the Empath nature and what I’ve come to realize about who I am, and maybe it’ll help you understand your own heart as well.
I had to realize the hard way, that I am not here to fix anyone. Being an empathetic person makes you more emotionally intelligent. This means, we tend to feel other people’s emotions. We can tell and read beyond the surface that there is something internally weighing other people down. And when you feel that for other people, you desire to step in as the savior and fix it. But you will soon realize that you can’t fix other people. And even more so, you can’t help people that don’t actually want to be helped. You’re not weak for feeling the hurt and sadness that others around you are feeling. And you’re not weak for being sad when you realize that you can’t be their savior. But until you can realize that you don’t have the ability to save others, you’re going to continue down a path of unhealthy tendencies and habits.
One of these habits is to misunderstand what really loving someone looks like. As an Empath, you want to see people happy. You want to make people happy, and you’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Even if it takes draining and exhausting yourself. You have a hard time saying “no” to people, because you’re fearful that you’ll make them unhappy or lose the relationship, thus losing the ability to fix them or help them.
The first step in breaking this habit is to recognize that at some point, you’re going to run out of that energy. If you’re constantly saying “yes” and doing things to make others happy, but not taking the time for yourself to care for and nurture your own life the way you do theirs, you’re eventually going to run out of care for everything in your life. You can go from caring deeply, to suddenly not caring about anything at all. That is why it’s very important to understand your Empath nature. You do have a big heart and you’re a “super feeler”. You care more than most, which typically means you’re going to give more. And knowing this about yourself can help you understand what loving yourself and others at the same time truly looks like. That love that you so freely give to others, you owe that to yourself as well. Sometimes saying “no” is a healthy way to set boundaries. It can be a hard thing to grasp, but saying “no” doesn’t mean “I don’t love you”. It simply means, “I’m going to love you and myself at the same time.”
Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction. Having no boundaries will get you to that point where you have nothing left to give to others, or yourself. You’ll lose care because you’ll begin to believe the lie that your care doesn’t matter in this world. When you lose your care, you lose yourself.
Listen to me carefully… your ability to feel and care is a beautiful thing. This world needs more people like you. The intense love that you give others is not weakness; it’s one of your greatest strengths. Those tears that fall from all the feelings inside of you are not weakness. They’re proof that your sensitivity is your source of understanding and intuition. Now, imagine if we had more understanding people in the world…
Your ability to forgive and pursue relentlessly is such a rare quality— It actually makes you stronger than most. Because being strong doesn’t mean that the pain doesn’t affect you. It doesn’t mean that you never cry or show emotion. It’s so much more than simply choosing to not take the easy way out. It’s more than just moving forward when life gets tough. Being strong means being caring. It means responding to hatred with love, and responding to anger with patience. There’s something truly humbling about strength like that.
Understand your Empath nature for what it is. Not as a weakness or fault, but as something, that when used in a healthy manner, can bring about a change that no lack of care ever could. So set your boundaries and give yourself that same love you so freely give to others. Embrace your heart and communicate your feelings, and listen when others communicate theirs. Be emotionally fierce, and most importantly….
Don’t ever apologize for being too much of what the world needs more of.
You know I love you all.
Sincerely,
Adrienne
